Do you remember what kind of clothes you wanted to wear during your adolescent or teen years? Maybe you had to have a certain kind of haircut, shoes, or purse to fit in. Did your friends ever tempt you to buy something or do something that ultimately didn’t seem worth it in the end? Looking back on those times, you might wonder why you ever thought they were good ideas. What was the motivation that drove you to look or act a certain way? For most people, it’s peer pressure.

While young people can be susceptible to peer pressure, adolescence is an important time to discover who they are and learn how to make their own decisions. In this article, we’ll explain what peer pressure is, how it can affect your child’s mental health and what you can do to help them make good decisions.

What is peer pressure?

Peer pressure is when members of a social group or people who share an identity influence a person in their group to do something. In many cases, the person may feel rushed to make a decision or act without thinking. People can also feel an indirect sort of peer pressure when they observe people in their social group doing something and have a strong desire to follow suit. The stereotypical example of a peer pressure situation is when a young person is offered an alcoholic drink or drugs at a party. However, there are many other situations when this happens. Friends can influence each other to exercise more often or engage in extracurricular activities.

Is peer pressure always negative? Can it be positive?

Peer pressure isn’t always about doing things that are considered “bad” or rebellious. These are just situations when one should be aware of the influence of peer pressure and take extra care to think independently. Peer pressure can also be neutral or positive. When your child begs for new clothes or a new phone because “everyone else” at school seems to have a popular new item, that may be a neutral form of peer pressure. When they ask to join the school soccer team because their friends are signing up, that may be positive peer pressure.

Adolescents and teenagers are particularly susceptible to peer pressure for a few different reasons. First, they’re encountering many new social situations for the first time. They haven’t had the time or the past experience to know their personal limits and how to maintain strong boundaries. Also, in these stages of development, the brain is more sensitive to ideas about social status, risk-taking, rewards and building relationships outside of the family. They want to feel valued and included, especially by their peers. In their minds, giving in to peer pressure equates to “fitting in,” which will earn them social approval.

How can I help my child stand up to peer pressure?

You can’t be there to coach your child every time they encounter peer pressure. What you can do is help them prepare for these situations. Your child will need a strong belief in themselves and their ability to say no. They’ll need to know that following the crowd isn’t always going to be the right choice for them, and that’s OK. If they have both the skills to gracefully say, “That’s not for me” and a strong sense of self-esteem, they’ll be less likely to cave in to peer pressure. 

Try the following approaches to prepare your child for peer pressure situations:

• Help them build self-esteem — Self-esteem is something that must be deliberately built and maintained. Help your child recognize their best qualities and appreciate their skills and abilities. At the end of the day, they should know they’re valuable and worthy just as they are.

• Talk about boundaries often — Boundaries are about more than knowing it’s OK to say no. Your child will need to develop their sense of what’s right for them and what may be potentially harmful, unwise or inappropriate. The tricky thing is that boundaries can change over time. What’s right for them at 13 will be different than what’s right for them at 17. This is why it’s important to talk about locating one’s own boundaries and asserting them in social situations. 

• Encourage flexible thinking — Standing up to peer pressure can sometimes take a bit of problem-solving or a shift in perspective. Your child will need to consider alternatives to what “everyone else” is doing and make a judgment call about what they think is right. Practice thinking through several different ways to look at a peer pressure situation and choosing a response that’s consistent with their values and boundaries.

• Give them an “out” — There may be times when your child is the only one who doesn’t want to participate in an activity. Maybe it’s something that makes them uncomfortable or they’re concerned for their safety. Talk through some ways they might make a graceful exit, like saying, “I’m getting a terrible headache; I think I need to call my mom and get a ride home.”

• Instill values of independence and individuality — If your child values themselves as an individual, it won’t always matter so much whether they do what everyone else is doing or not. Consider that relationships and communities work best when people make use of the talents and qualities that make them different. Help your child appreciate what makes them unique and recognize when they’ve made good choices.

What does mental health have to do with peer pressure?

Peer pressure can cause adolescents and teens to start comparing themselves to their friends and classmates. If you look hard enough, you can always find a reason to be jealous or feel like you’re “less than” someone in your peer group. Rather than helping a person boost their status, peer pressure and playing the comparison game more often results in negative self-talk and a poor self-image. 

Navigating peer pressure situations successfully goes hand in hand with cultivating good mental health. It’s hard to have one without the other. Some of the tips in this blog post, like developing self-esteem and strong personal values, are foundations of mental wellness. Peer pressure is so ubiquitous for young people that it even comes into play in mental health treatment. For children and teenagers, group therapy has proven at least as effective and potentially more effective than other forms of therapy. In a peer-reviewed meta-analysis of 56 studies by the Brigham Young University Department of Psychology, the average child or adolescent treated by group treatment was better off than 73% of those who were not.

At Embrace U, our participants have positive interactions in peer support groups and group therapy that motivate them and inspire them to keep working on their mental health. In addition to group therapy, our comprehensive outpatient treatment programs also include individual and family therapy sessions to support mental wellness in every part of our clients’ lives.

Do you have questions about peer pressure and mental health? Contact our team today for more information or to schedule an initial appointment.