There are times in each person’s life when we must lose things or people that are dear to us. Grief for unexpected losses can bring shock, denial and overwhelming sadness. When we do have some warning about a death in the family, a job loss or a big move, it can cause a different kind of stress. You may not know exactly when a person will die or how that loss will impact your life. Many factors will be out of your control. However, anticipatory grief may create some opportunities to prepare, wrap up unresolved issues and say goodbye. 

As a parent, it can be tough to watch your child grapple with their grief as a major loss approaches. There are things you can do to support them, and mental health treatment may be an important part of their healing process.

In this blog post, we’ll explore anticipatory grief and how to help your child through it.

What is anticipatory grief?

Anticipatory grief is grief that occurs before a loss has happened. Young people may feel anticipatory grief when an aging grandparent’s health is in decline or before moving to a different city. It applies to all kinds of losses besides death, although that’s a common source of anticipatory grief. Preteens and teens dealing with anticipatory grief may experience waves of different emotions and have a hard time taking their minds off the impending loss. Anticipatory grief may affect their behavior; for instance, their eating and sleeping habits may change.

What are the stages of anticipatory grief?

There are four stages of anticipatory grief that can happen at different times, according to the University of Rochester Medical Center. Not everyone will experience all four stages of grief, and people may experience them in different orders.

The four stages of anticipatory grief include:

• phase I: acceptance — In this stage, the person realizes that there’s no way the loss can be avoided. Sadness and depression are typical feelings to experience during phase I.

• phase II: reflection — The next phase is when people feel concern for others and how the loss will affect them. The person might reflect on their relationship with the dying person or the things and people they’re losing and start to come to terms with their feelings. Guilt, regret, a sense of unfairness and fear of one’s own death are common during phase II. 

• phase III: rehearsal — During this phase, the person thinks through the process of death or loss and what may happen afterward. They “rehearse” it by replaying the situation over and over in their mind. This is also when people say their goodbyes.

• phase IV: imagining the future — During the final phase, the person imagines what their daily life or specific occasions will be like after the loss. They might picture the person’s house being emptied out or wonder how they will explain the loss to others.

What are some signs and symptoms of anticipatory grief?

Anticipatory grief isn’t a clinical diagnosis, so it doesn’t necessarily have symptoms. There are some emotions, thoughts and behavioral changes that people experience when they’re experiencing anticipatory grief. 

The following are some indications that a person is feeling anticipatory grief:

• overwhelming emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, irritability, guilt and loneliness
• anxiety
• difficulty sleeping
• loss of appetite
• lack of motivation or interest
• difficulty concentrating
• loneliness or self-isolation
• preoccupation with the loss or the dying person
• “rehearsal” of the loss

How can I help my child deal with anticipatory grief?

When your child knows that a loss is coming in advance, they may feel some stress and worry. However, these feelings can be clues about what they can do to prepare for it and start their healing process rather than waiting until after the fact. 

These are some ways you can help your child deal with anticipatory grief:

• Ask your child to share their feelings, listen without judgment, and validate them.
• Give your child time and space to feel their feelings, and give them opportunities to get back to their routines as they feel comfortable.
• Help your child find a sense of closure, for instance, by writing a goodbye letter.
• Help your child gain some perspective on grief as a healthy, natural part of life and the idea that the dying person wouldn’t want them to be sad for too long.
• Help your child find ways to memorialize the person they’re losing.
• Talk with your child about different parts of the process before they happen, from saying goodbyes to funeral preparation, housecleaning, and more.
• Help your child make the most of their remaining time with their loved one.
• Help them seek appropriate mental healthcare.

The first significant losses in a person’s life can be very difficult. With proper support, your child can use these experiences to grow more resilient and learn to care for their mental health. Seeing an outpatient therapist may help your child get a better understanding of their emotions and find healthy ways to manage them.

At Embrace U, we provide more comprehensive mental health treatments for adolescents ages 10 through 18. Our programs combine one-on-one therapy with group therapy and family therapy sessions so your child will come out of the experience with a strong support network to help them stay well.

Do you have questions about mental health treatment for anticipatory grief? We can help. Give us a call at (615) 656-8624 or contact our team.